The Decade’s TV: 2005 - 2009

If the years 2001 to 2004 were defined by a struggle between the forces of broadcasting a manufactured reality and reality broadcasting itself in a highly visceral form, then perhaps the latter half of the decade can be defined as a struggle between the talented and the talentless. Big Brother showed us, via Jade Goody and any of the other feckless wannabee that set foot inside The House, that talent was no longer a discriminating factor when it came to seeing yourself on the screen; ITV launched its own promise of fame to the fameless in the form of Pop Idol, which first reared its head in 2001 and continued to 2003.

Then we got Pop Idol’s identikit bastard offspring, The X Factor, both of which are only the seedy love children of Opportunity Knocks anyway, with Simon Cowell (still wearing his hair as a bet) instead of Hughie Green. Ah, Hughie Green: The Oppenheimer of Light Entertainment. The bugger gave us Su Pollard, Paul Daniels and Pam Ayres; clearly he must have hated humanity. But then again, he was cursed with the voice of a gangster from a late-50s Dick Tracy cartoon, so I guess he had a lot of rage to vent.

Still, love ‘em or hate ‘em (and let’s face it, they’re not going away) at least all the New Faces X Factor contestants had some sort of ostensible talent. Even the deluded buffoons we see in the opening auditions can display some inherent – if schadenfreude-tastic – skill. This description, however, can in no way be applied to contestants appearing on Deal Or No Deal, which first pretended to be entertainment back in 2005. The only criteria for appearing appear to be a) the ability to open a box (otherwise known as ‘owning hands’), and b) enormous self-restraint from punching the neck of Noel “Christ how I want to punch him in the neck” Edmunds as he leers unnervingly and spurts his Age of Aquarius cosmic bunkum. It’s a mystery to even the wisest of us why the show is so compelling, but somehow it is. I have my own personal theory, but it’s libellous. Suffice to say it involves Edmunds, sodium pentothal, and our drinking water.

Talent was certainly on the minds of various Stateside TV producers and talk-show hosts in November 2007 as some 12,000 members of the Writers Guild of America went on strike in a dispute over royalties. Overwhelmingly supported by various Hollywood ‘slebs, Democrat politicians and the viewing public itself, the strike put the kybosh on almost all of Hollywood’s scripted output – which instigated the rather unfortunate side-effect of the almost instantaneous commissioning of a bevy of new reality shows. Reputedly costing LA’s economy anywhere between $400 million and $2 billion, an agreement was reached in February 2008, though later in the year the WGA announced they were to take the networks to arbitration for reneging on the deal. The writers’ strike proved that the talent in some areas of Hollywood certainly wasn’t going to lie down and let the profits of the digital revolution pass them by. Writers in Hollywood have long been at the bottom of the totum pole (and deliberately so – studios knew that generally they couldn’t get by without them) and so it was refreshing to see the underdogs taking a stand.

A good few TV anniversaries popped up during the latter half of the decade, too - in February 2005 EastEnders celebrated 20 years of depressing the nation (in the same year Neighbours would celebrate the same milestone, depressing people with the power of its title music alone). Three years later, EastEnders broadcast one of the most unusual – and starkly brilliant – episodes in its long history. In lieu of the usual Laaahndan squawking and misery, viewers were treated to Walford stalwart Dot Cotton (the spit of Kenneth Williams since 1976) given a half-hour monologue all to herself, dictating a message to her bedbound husband Jim. A brave move by the EastEnders crew (with a great twist at the end to boot) which made for compelling – if slightly odd – viewing. It’s a damn shame soaps don’t take more chances like this.

Also in 2008, Blue Peter celebrated 50 years of being the least cool show on TV; what was soon to arguably become the coolest celebrated its 40^th on 23 November 2003, the same day its return to BBC1 was announced. Two years later we got TV gold.

In 2005, Doctor Who burst back onto our screens, watched by a staggering eleven million viewers. With so much quality British TV to choose from, I’ll still stand proudly by the fact that the reinvigorated Who has easily been the best (if not perhaps defining) show of the last ten years. My ingrained geek credentials aside, no other show has matched its imagination, consummate production, acting and writing. Capturing the viewing public in pretty much exactly the same way it did back in 1963, Who proved that quality, idea-driven family drama could still work, and work wonders. With Tennant’s eagerly-anticipated swansong The End of Time set to broadcast on Christmas and New Year’s Day, it’s a fitting tribute that the decade closes with what’s both a fondly-remembered classic and a modern phenomenon rolled into one. Merry Christmas everybody – and happy viewing.

Still, what does this booze-addled, barely-sentient geek know? Heck, everyone’s got their favourite TV shows and moments from the last ten years – so let’s hear ‘em. Comment away, and don’t pull them punches.