Three times this week, from three different mouths, I’ve heard people described as ‘like Marmite’. You know - you either love them or hate them. To the achingly fashionable, this phrase may well be passé; after all, Vivienne Westwood did her Marmite love-and-hate T-shirt back in 2002. But among us lesser mortals, I suspect it’s just coming into common usage  - and I’m full of wonder.

Isn’t language – particularly English - an incredibly poetic beast, transforming and enriching itself though time and across categories? Isn’t Marmite an incredible brand, to still be in our consciousness after 330 years of production? And isn’t DDB an incredible advertising agency to come up with such a simple yet resonant concept?

These thoughts have been rattling round my head all morning, leading to a few more. So first, I’d like to lay claim to ‘like Bovril’, meaning ‘sends you to sleep’, and ‘like Vegemite’, meaning ‘is an Australian phony’. (Thus, Syd Barrett is like Marmite, Tom Waits like Bovril and Peter Andre like Vegemite.)

Then I have suggestions for those we love to hate, such as India Knight, when she’s pontificating in the Sunday Times, Mark Lawson when he’s oiling up on Radio 4’s Front Row or Madonna, anytime. Maybe they’re ‘like the Daily Mail’ – ghastly but so shamefully addictive that you can’t tear your eyes away.  

Next, those we merely hate. Well, Jonathan Ross, Russell Brand, the BBC and the House of Commons require no similes: their names speak for themselves. But, finally, what about those we love? ‘Like Bollinger’? Sometimes it gets up your nose. ‘Like Sachertorte’? Too much makes you sick. I think my friends are like air and water - hard to label, and I really need them to survive.

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