Rubbish Classics Part 1: Loaded Weapon 1 and Beverly Hills Ninja

Debate over whether a film is good or bad is usually pointless*, because at the end of the day the movie industry is about making money, and though artistic value and box office returns are not mutually exclusive, only one of the two is ensuring that a 3rd Michael Bay Transformers movie is on the way. Can you guess which?

But despite the shrivelled, stilted, cynical eyes† through which I view most films, I have some guilty pleasures which I enjoy in spite of their obvious suck-factor. In fact I think revealing guilty pleasures could probably humanise seemingly detached public figures. For example, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad might be treated with a little less animosity by westerners if he announced an appreciation of Richard Hammond’s Total Wipeout. Or Caddyshack.

So with that in mind I’ve had a think about some terrible movies that I actually quite like. These first two are low brow comedies that surfaced before Adam Sandler and then Judd Apatow could sink their own brand of humour into every mainstream release, and they are by any standards pretty bad.

Loaded Weapon One stars Emilio Estevez and a Samuel L. Jackson in the days before Pulp Fiction catapulted him onto the A list. It is basically a spoof film with National Lampoon branding that rips on all of the buddy cop action films of the 80s and early 90s. The jokes are often lame, the plot is dumb and the acting is suitably hammy. But its writers were clearly attempting to create an irreverent love letter to 80s action films as it is packed with cameos, and everyone from Charlie Sheen to Bruce Willis makes an appearance. For this reason alone it is worth watching.

Beverly Hills Ninja stars Chris Farley, who was basically the Jack Black of the 90s, but with more drugs and tragedy. Farley plays Haru, a white Ninja brought up in Japan and raised as an inept master of the martial arts. He ends up following an American damsel in distress to Beverly Hills, and the audience is expected to keep laughing at him for his size and his clumsiness. Chris Rock also features, though he is given nothing to work with, spending most of his time onscreen chasing a chicken. Farley was apparently very unhappy with the finished film and the whole process of making it, feeling that his comedy persona was being reduced to its simplest components. That Farley died in the same year that BHN was released makes it an interesting watch, as does the fact that he had been hired to play Shrek before his death. He had even recorded some dialogue, which I’d really love to hear. I couldn’t unearth it with a few quick searches, but if it’s online anywhere, let me know.

Despite being over a decade old the Beverly Hills Ninja saga is set to continue. According to Wikipedia and IMDB a sequel called The Legend of the Dancing Ninja is in the works, staring Lucas Grabeel of High School Musical fame along side David Hasselhoff. Will this ever see the light of day? Probably not. If it does, will it be good? Nope. Will it be worth watching anyway? Almost certainly. You should be able to pick both of these movies up on DVD for pennies. Next time: Kung Pow and Waterworld

*But don’t tell anyone, otherwise my lack of worth will be revealed.

†They look like over-baked Hula Hoops