Perhaps stating the obvious, but hanging out on New Year’s Eve is best done with those you know, love and trust. There are definitely good times and places to discuss your future plans with new connections, but NYE is not it. If you are like me, and always share two or three sincere new years resolutions, swearing you will not waver, only to find you replaced these with alternative, even more brilliant, ideas a month later, only your dearest and nearest will understand. Mind you, bonding with a stranger over a couple of glasses and lots of party nibbles may not be ideal networking as such, but you never know, you may have made a new friend for live! Happy partying and a very happy start to 2010!

Contrary to what the title may suggest, this blog is about cultural differences, especially those encountered when networking.

Briefly on the differences I have noticed: continental Europeans have a lot of confidence when making new connections, are very enthusiastic for a few weeks and then seem to either loose interest or get distracted.

So, on to Americans who are known to be good and confident networkers. Well, generally speaking that is definitely true. However, I believe there are regional differences in the States (of course there are also outstanding individuals who cross all borders, but I am keeping this general for now).

Having had first hand experience, to me New York Networking is all about instant gratification, exactly the thing I do not like when networking. When discussing your business or interest, most New Yorkers will give you good advise or a good follow up contact or both and then the conversation and connection are over.

Now, that does not work for me because I believe in building a connection to which you can return, either with a question or a lead or some good news to share.

Brits may not be specifically known for their networking abilities, and a lot certainly have quite a bit to brush up on (which is good for me). But once actively networking though, Brits prove to be loyal and committed contacts to whom you can return over and over again.

When was the last time you made a new contact, felt very excited about the prospects this contact painted for you, and gave up waiting for a reaction after a couple of soft reminders?

My term for this kind of networker is the ‘False Promiser’. Those who do not deliver on promises made to you. Don’t be that person!

Do take control and look at your own networking techniques, are you asking the right person and are you being clear about what you need? Also remember that a lot of people do not respond because of their own time pressures.

Say you use networking as a business development tool. Rather then selling your business to anyone willing to listen, talk about your goals when asked and pass on your enthusiasm. Remember 80% of new business comes via referrals!

Networking as part of a fact-finding drive, you know gathering facts and information so that you can make more informed decisions.

Contacting people in and outside your existing network is a great way of gaining knowledge. Generally people really enjoy giving advise and, I am sure I am repeating myself here! But fact remains, sharing concerns and knowledge is a great way of connecting with people.

What is the difference? Being one of those people who put a lot of effort into networking, I would say the difference is due to a few factors.

Are you networking to serve a personal goal? When you are trying to achieve something and networking in order to gain access to expertise and advise, you are bound to get a lot out of your network. Just networking for the sake of hundreds of names on your database will not give you anything back (but may well be useful for your network with access to all those contacts).

Are you networking to connect others? A great way to share and quite often you will see instant results. However, equally often you will not see, or be given, feedback on the outcome of the connection. This may feel a bit raw, especially when you put yourself out and went the extra mile to help others. Here the satisfaction of networking lays in the actual introduction. As with everything in life, if it is gratitude you want, you are best of getting a dog!

Architects Galore

Often, when I ask, architects tell me that they, as a group, are not very good at networking. Having been a grateful guests at many architects dos I have to say I agree. Architects are, in general, great party-people, but not that good at mingling outside their group of known associates.

Here is a first step for architects into networking: share! Given that the parties organised by architects are often very beautiful in terms of the surroundings, the bites and the music, it could be very easy to make just this one small step in order to increase your network. Next to your colleagues and friends, also invite contacts that will not have gone to many architects’ parties. Make your out-of-the-box guests feel really special when they arrive and make sure to introduce them to your friends and colleagues throughout the evening. You will make your guest happy and the guest will make you happy. After all, a genuinely appreciative guest is great to have around. Also, make sure to invite them again!

By sharing that special thing architects have, access to beautiful places and an eye for design and glamour, (admittedly the latter might just be my thing), you make it so much easier for the non-architect to think of you next time he needs advise, or better still, next time he needs an architect.

Networking and Food

Food, just to stay on this subject a bit longer, seems to be an integral part of networking gatherings these days. Wonder why? I think because food is a good icebreaker and serves as a good distraction, when you are, temporarily, standing by yourself, looking for something to do.

So, I am definitely in favour of food when networking. However, I would also like to make a call for new concepts for networking and food. Rather then formal sit down lunches and dinners and potentially embarrassing buffets (ever been to one of those where there was a rush for the food?), are there other ways of bringing people together whilst also extending your hospitality in terms of bites and drinks?

For instance, I was once invited to a sushi-making event. In total we were with about 30 people in groups of 5 or 6 with a chef each, crafting away with rice and other ingredients. It was great fun! Everybody chatted a lot in their own group, then with other groups through sharing bites, and afterwards with new people again over drinks. Granted, this was a one-off, and possibly quite costly, but the combination of food and activity definitely worked. Right now I am trying to convince my business partner we should have a cheese fondue and drinks reception. With potential for lots of interaction and topics of conversation whilst also providing space to mingle, the perfect winter party I think!

So, how about you tell me about concepts for networking events that really worked for you and where you left with a big smile on your face? Or, do you have an idea for a great concept you would like to share? Looking forward to hearing from you all!

You may be one of the people who, over the years, have asked me how to deal with formal dinners. Accepting the invite, figuring out whether you can or cannot bring a guest, is all pretty easy. Dress code is a tricky bit, especially since not every invite is all that clear about it or even using the right terminology to describe what they are looking for. In those cases it is always best to double-check with the host.

The real cliff hanger for all of us attending dinner parties is the person we end up sitting next to. My experiences are about fifty fifty, half of the dinners I attend I sit next to really interesting and entertaining people, the other half the match is not quite so lucky.

When asked, most people do not know how to deal with the not-so-lucky match. The worst case scenario’s have been described as: sitting next to someone who talks about him or herself without a single break, being placed next to the quietest, most non responsive person in the room and, sitting next to someone you just don’t warm to. 

All terrible, but let’s face it, dinner parties rarely last more then 3 to 4 hours. Too short to really ruin your live but long enough to establish a nice connection with anyone.

When faced with the un-wished-for table partner there is only one thing to do: switch on the charm and take control! The person who only talks about himself or herself is easily distracted off course by your careful listening and poignant questions. Genuine attention and softening your voice often work well in winning the trust of someone who is naturally quiet, and humour builds bridges between all people, even those you do not warm to at first glance.

My advise is to attend dinners for your own pleasure and that of your host. Being affected by something as temporarily as the person next to you is a great shame and may rob you from making an interesting new connection.

The other day I went to an event organised by Theodore Zeldin CBE and the Oxford Muse Foundation (see also http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theodore_Zeldin). His big thing is to improve people’s relations by improving the way we talk with each other. The event was held in Regent’s Park and in order to join in you had to agree to meet and converse with a complete stranger. I loved the idea of being given conversation topics, love the park and really enjoy meeting strangers, so I was up for a good afternoon.

 Arriving at the event reminded me of the great outdoor teaching afternoons we had at my school. Small groups of people sitting around and talking to each other with mentors walking around making sure we were all doing the right thing.

 The Zeldin event had a bit of that sense of school for me too. Upon arrival you were given a list of questions that would form the basis of your one-to-one conversation. This was a good idea. The questions were interesting and thought provoking but not too much like intruding on someone else’s privacy when asked. We quickly formed a small group of five and started on the fist few questions.

 That is when Zeldin walked up to us and quickly figured that we were in fact not engrossed in one-to-one conversations. He put this right by pairing one of us up with another stranger he found nearby, leaving us by pointing out what the purpose of the event was. We did as we were told, but the sense of spontaneity was gone.

 For me personally the event would have been perfect if people had just been encouraged to use the questions provided, benefit from the safe environment, and get into conversation with one or more people they had not met before. The organisers being strict about the rules of engagement made it less interesting for me. When left alone, people were going with the flow and talking in groups and to each other. This, in my view, increased everybody’s sense of inclusion, interest and fun.

Theodore Zeldin thought up a lovely event by facilitating exactly that.

You might be someone who dreads going to receptions, seminars and other professional gatherings on your own. Well, you are not on your own; in fact, the majority of people there will feel like you to some more or lesser degree. It remains pretty scary for a lot of people to walk into a room full of strangers.

 There are a few basic rules that will make your reception experience, as well as possible networking opportunities, a lot more enjoyable.

 When you are going by yourself and just walking in makes you break out in a sweat, keep this in mind:

Before actually walking in, think of something or somebody you like very much and smile. Keep that smile going!

Once inside, familiarise yourself with the room, get a drink and see if you can spot your host.

Remember that the people you see standing around, seemingly engrossed in conversation, have, nine out of ten times, just met. It is perfectly fine to walk up and introduce yourself. You are all in the same boat! And because you walked in with a smile, people will be more curious about you and probably easier to talk to.

Having made the first contact, keep the conversation light and alive by addressing the person or people you just met with questions showing genuine interest. We all love real attention and by showing some, you will make a lasting impression!

 When the above still seems daunting, there are other tricks. One is to walk in with a smile, find your host, acknowledge the nice reception and ask to be introduced to other guests. Saves you from the first tricky moment when meeting people new to you. Once introduced be your most charming and generous self, just like described above.

The first basic rules to remember about receptions are to enjoy yourself, and to be friendly and generous. 

After having been an average user of social networking sites, I recently decided to step things up a bit. I became a member of a networking site within a networking site on the promise that I would have up to 500 more contacts by the end of the week.

 The promise definitely came true! I have been connecting with lots of people for the last week and I have a lot more then 500 new contacts. Now, for me that is good because I wanted to step up my visibility. However, had my goal been to increase my authentic contacts, this would have been, in hindsight, not a good way to do so. The first few days of being super connected I received around 200 connection requests per day. I found it hard to find both the time and interest to really investigate each one to figure out what we had in common and what I could do for them.

Still, I did do a language check, as the vast majority of my new and existing connections speak English so there is no language barrier when making a connection between them, and I fast-read all introductory texts. The latter actually prompted me to recognise a personal dislike I have generally, but also when it gets to online networking: Being given too much information!

 When you try to introduce your business, sell your services, talk about yourself and offer to help me in one long introductory message, you are giving too much information. Personally, I loose interest after the second paragraph and skip straight to the bottom. When I do occasionally read the extra long intros, none of which are specifically written to attract my attention, I am reminded that connecting using the super connected technique is a numbers game. There is nothing wrong with that, except that it leaves no room for authentic messages or background info.

 This is how I see making effective online connections;

Do use the super connected technique when you want to reach lots of people, but keep your introductory message brief. I personally really like the ones that are professional with a subtle hint of humour. When you make a promise in your introduction, follow up on it. If that proves impossible due to your online popularity, swap the promise with a little free advise, much more effective in terms of creating interest and curiosity, and much more likely to lead to further, potentially useful, contact.

 I would like to finish with a promise that I promise I will keep: when you want to get introduced to any of my connections, I will do so with a brief personal message.