The very premise itself veered on the slightly regressive side, in some delegates’ opinion. Should we be returning to such divisive questions in a time where we feel we’ve come too far to see one sex as more ‘powerful’ or ‘better’ than the other? Perhaps it’s not a helpful discussion any more, rather than polarise the issue, it’s more beneficial to collaborate in celebrating our differences (whatever these are, again, worth another few hours of consideration) and focus on how the two can inter-relate to create a future founded on synergetic harmony. Aaaw, nice, fluffy, female pipe-dream eh?

I for one, found the question stretched my imagination. I tried to omit the figures of Hitler and Stalin from the annals of history and wondered how different things could have been – or would a crazed, hell-bent Helga have emerged instead, unable to repress the urge to exercise all her neuroses with the wonderful new power she had in her hands? Or am I so deeply entrenched in the pillars of patriarchy myself, that even the idea of attempting to dismantle them (or at least, tap them gently) has become an insurmountable and unimaginable task?

What we could all agree on is that society has a problem. Many problems. And a lot of these are impacting on women and young people. These are evident in the ever-growing numbers of 8 year-old girls with anorexia and bulimia that Dr Linda Papadopoulos works with on a daily basis (not to mention the increasing number of women in their 30s and 40s suffering from these diseases) to the more traditional examples of misogyny, so deeply entrenched they happen almost flippantly, such as the executive who asked Linda to make the tea before realising she was a doctor – I imagine that was a meeting he squirmed through.

And, on a more macro level, there is a problem. A disturbing statistic from Skillset recently revealed that from 2006-2009, 750 men compared to 4,900 women lost their jobs in television. I am going to hazard a guess that many of these jobs were administrative, therefore seen as more ‘expendable’ but that beggars another question, why are so many women in TV still only in clerical or junior positions. I’m also going to hazard another guess that some of the women over 30 were let go because it was assumed they’d be off to start families some time soon. There may be some validity in the reasoning here but this raised another important issue of the inter-connectedness between social policy and media. We need not only a social policy that supports women and men who require a flexible working lifestyle but must ensure this is endorsed throughout the media who act as though they operate in another realm, refusing for example, to implement the Gender Equality Duty Act of 2007. Davina James-Hanman, director of the Greater London Domestic Violence Project, also stressed the importance of supporting men in bonding with their children, suggesting that this could be implemented through a social policy that makes it mandatory for men to take ‘parenthood’ leave. And of course, we need a media that portrays these policies in a positive light.

So, how can we, as women, implement change? The importance of women supporting each other was frequently raised. As television programme creator and developer Dianne Nelmes said: “Never be a woman who doesn’t like other women.” Interestingly, Linda cited another incident earlier she had been criticised for her looks by, yes, a female writer. My friend who holds a high-powered managerial position within the music business, leaves the office bang on five now in order to collect her children from after-school club, and unfortunately she knows it is the women who berate her for this, behind her back. We need change from the top but attitudes must be challenged from below. However, as Linda pointed out, this behaviour can in part be attributed to an early conditioning process – boys are encouraged to compete overtly, whereas girls, frustrated they have no other outlet in which to express this, turn in on each other, thus sowing the seeds for a lifetime of fiercely comparing and regulating each other’s ‘hotness’ factor.

I do think a lack of empathy, or the inability to place yourself in another’s shoes is somewhere at the core of this rotten state of affairs, and this operates throughout the spheres of the home, politics and the workplace, across both genders. I was left thinking, why are we all so horrible to each other? What atavistic desires does buying Heat, for example, sate or feed? And whether it be dissecting the ‘moral values’ of Jordan or the daughter we admonish for not fitting into her swimsuit properly, thus propagating a generation of anorexics and bulimics by stoking doubts within themselves, we need more empathy. I’m not laying the blame entirely at mothers’ doors here, images in the press of airbrushed stick insect-thin girls, (which Linda argues in her ‘Sexualisation of Young People’ Home Office report should carry health warnings) certainly have a detrimental effect, but we also have a responsibility not to be brainwashed and consequently passing on the neuroses we absorb from the media and our peers.

To take the example of Jordan, yes, she clearly displays traits of an emotionally disturbed person, and for that she deserves our understanding, not our derision. Whatever we think about her now, she was once, like we all were (boys and girls), navigating the hazardous crossroads of sexuality, probably with all the agility and precision of Bambi’s first faltering steps. As some of us understand, acting sexually confident and mature and actually being sexually confident and mature are two very different things, “the acting” demonstrates yet another effect of the ‘sexualisaton’ of young people, that Linda describes. It never surprised me to learn that Jordan was sexually assaulted in her early teens but I was pretty horrified (followed by flippin’ furious) to read some of the subsequent evaluations concerning this in the public arena – “how could you rape Jordan? It’s not as though she’d be difficult to bed.”

This might sound very idealistic and possibly prosaic, I’m not necessarily saying anything new here, but we do need to foster more kindness and understanding. As semiotician Dr Malcolm Evans said, towards the end of the event, we need to start listening to each other more, and this is a skill that must be encouraged in early education. If we can begin to recognise the validity of these traditionally perceived ‘female values’, also often indicative of a ‘good mother’ (a role that many women see as undermined and undervalued) perhaps then, we, as women and men, can begin to set an example and bring about change.

http://www.newplayerstheatre.com/london/events/seeyounexttuesday.asp

http://funnywomen.com/index.php

Host Carrie Quinlan, of BBC’s Radio 4’s News Quiz, certainly felt at home in the setting, moving nimbly around the stage (must be her classical training..) she created a great atmosphere early on, – grazing healthily on the stereotypes of Richmond, she never offensively projectile-vomited the contents around the auditorium.

The glamorous and effortlessly charming Elizabeth Mee kicked off the proceedings and the crowd warmed to her instantly, emitting a sigh of disappointment when she announced she had to go. One of my favourite gags of  the evening: “I’ve always found Tony Blair a little smug.. and a snob.. with a silent s.”

Character double-act Morris and Vyse are a delight to watch – the interplay between the two as the crass and insensitive daytime TV presenters, is brilliantly executed, with every arched eyebrow and inebriated wobble so well-crafted, I’m left believing that one of them really is married to Rick Astley or at the very least, that there’s an arguably sensible case for recycling sanitary towels into a pair of slippers. The act appeared later in another guise, as the Robin Gibb and the late Maurice Gibb, formerly of The Bee Gees – pioneering on a solo career, Robin is haunted by the jibing ghost of Maurice – “at least I’m alive”  sings Robin, to the tune of, ‘Stayin’ Alive’, of course.

Charlie Covell’s style is always captivating to watch, her sidelong glances and expressions complement some hilarious material – including a run-in with a Big Issue seller who mistook her for a boy.  Particularly funny is her attitude to her  former precocious self – phoning her dad from boarding school to tell him she’d sent him The Communist Manifesto (while reversing the charges of course) and the ruminations of her tortured, teenage soul, revealed in such poetic gems as ‘Broken Wing’, which the audience can clearly relate to through hysterical tears of recognition.

Funny Women Winner 2008 Katherine Ryan has got great new material from her experiences of  having a baby, delivered with her signature acerbic naivety (the lines that is, not her baby – ho ho!). Her older gags still have me roaring with laughter though, especially the one about her husband ruining her enjoyment of watching TV, as he recalls all the actresses he “banged” in Hollywood – “honey, you’re really ruining this episode of ‘The Golden Girls’ for me.”

Jo Selby did a superb turn as her Russian stand-up character Tatiana Ostrakova, fresh from Jongleurs Minsk, she plays the character beautifully as she parodies a clunky and prescriptive way of delivering jokes, announcing – “and now I will tell a joke” – with a demeanour that turns from warm and slightly submissive to defensive and spiky pretty quickly.

Impressionist, and Funny Women 2009 runner-up, Eve Webster showed off her talents, impersonating everyone from Joanna Lumley, a sure-winner for the upcoming election, Cheryl Cole and Gwyneth Paltrow with the audience’s favourite line – defending her decision to name her baby ‘Apple’ – “it’s not like we called her shithouse.”

Despite many alternative and different performances throughout the years, I doubt that the walls of the theatre have ever been subjected to the sound of 200 audience members impersonating the painfully drawn out vowels and consonants of Janet Street-Porter but then the attendees probably never thought they’d be participating in an interactive workshop with Jan Ravens. Stand-up, impersonator and now teacher, Ravens’ gags early on in the show mocked the residents of Richmond, inspired by, no doubt, true outrageous horror-filled tales from the local press – “our recycling hasn’t been collected for a week!”

Her style was perfect for chivvying the audience into reciting a Janet Street Porter slogan: “When I leave my home I exercise my right to roam.” Not that much chivvying had to be done, by this point she’d made the room as warm and inviting as a marshmallow fondue and could have had the residents of Richmond parading around in dog collars.  With all the encouraging charm of your first primary school teacher, she even got a collective crow impersonation out of the audience through her helpful tip that to really get to grips with a character it helps to envision them as an animal, so we happily and collectively mocked Anne Robinson.

Alongside brilliant observations of gangland matriarch Jacqui Smith “yeah, so I claimed it on expenses, what ya gonna do ’bout it?” and her other favourite female politicians of choice Hazel Blears  and Harriet Harman, she suitably left the cherry on the voluptous cake last with a brilliant portrayal of what  Nigella Lawson could do for the tax-return department if she got tired of making cooking sexy.  Oh how much quicker we would fill out and return those tedious forms if we had her at the helm, teasingly separating out that wad of depressing paper, “ticking every box until the taxman is completely satisfied.”

The Orange Tree Theatre gig was held in support of the charitable trust the New Victoria Medical Foundation, which provides life enhancing medical support for those in most need. Funds raised on the night will help to provide support, counseling and complementary therapies to those affected by breast cancer.

Funny Women

Next show

Valentine’s Day Special - Sunday 14th February 2010

Valentine’s Day Special  hosted by dating guru, Deborah Frances-White who will tell you anything you ever wanted to know about getting a date and featuring Suzy Bennett, winner of the Funny Women Awards in 2006, and Andi Osho, winner 2007, plus more music and comedy mayhem from Helen Arney, Claire Burlington, Hannah Isherwood, Sarah Pearce, Roanna Bond, Kitty Kavanagh and Fordham & Pilkington.

Tickets: full price £12.50,  or  £10 if you are on our mailing list.  BOOK NOW or call 0844 847 2475

The Basement Studio, Leicester Square Theatre, 6 Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX
Doors 7.00 p.m. for show 7.30 p.m.

The Lowdown at The Albany provides an intimate and relaxed setting – with its alcoves and low ceilings, reminiscent of a disused rail station that’s had new life breathed into it – it’s ideal for viewing the household names of tomorrow in close proximity.

Bridget Christie instantly charmed the crowd as A Ant, the indignant (or indign-ant) ant performing stand-up around the country, peeved at losing out on its novelty status to all the other ants on the circuits (it’s not the ‘80s anymore) and being forced to tone down its more controversial Islamic material in favour of the standard ‘ant’ jokes. Dressed in what an ant might choose to wear upon eating magic mushrooms and raiding a fancy dress box, (complete with tie and multi-coloured antennae) the costume and persona were hysterical. Indeed, Bridget did corpse slightly (despite her training) when admonishing the techie for being ant-ist (and probably me now for not ascribing a gender!) in response to him playing Adam Ant music upon entering.

Paula Goldstein did a very convincing turn as the needy and creepy Mirabelle lasciviously recounting her tales of entrapment on the bendy bus with lines such as, “I do love it when you stand in the middle of the bus and your legs get pulled apart..”  conversing with the audience in an unsettling enough manner to get the men in the first row running, and running fast. So convincingly did Paula get into character, I’m ashamed to admit I’d wondered who the mad woman bumbling around in the alcoves earlier on was.

The American “Dory Lama” (or Dory Dutton) who aims to “heal with laughter” has a strong presence on stage along with equally strong jokes that leave a British audience feeling somewhat affronted, as though they’ve been handed tea in a beaker instead of the requested cup and saucer. That’s our problem though and happily she will not be toning down her American up-front demeanour for anyone.

Pippa Evans is brilliant as the sociopath musician Loretta Maine, whose diatribes against the defenceless, babies and traffic wardens among them, you can’t help but agree with occasionally. “If you’ve got a vendetta, don’t take it out on Loretta”, a dictum you would be wise to heed to – again, Loretta, with her wild, crazily-strewn hair and  laugh, that says “I’d gleefully make chutney from sticking your nuts in a vice”,  is so believable, I think I’d genuinely shake with fear if I ever met her. And if you were so unfortunate as to end up having a relationship with her, heed her warning: “Never leave me if you like living.”

Bridget Christie, who performed stand-up in the second half, is equally as charming as ‘herself’, as she is playing A Ant. She apologised for not writing any ‘jokes’ but her observations on how the mundane of everday can lead you to say such awe-inspiring things as “I could make a ratatouille or casserole with that fish – out of all the things I could say to my husband..” are very funny.  She’s clearly genuinely comfortable just riffing with the audience.

Funny Women semi-finalist (2009) Annabel Giles won the audience over with her very likeable personality that refuses to be self-deprecating about her ‘poshness.’ Parents do tend to provide hilarious material, not least posh ones, and some of her family’s quips are funny albeit worrying, for example, a dad who says “people who don’t pay their poll tax are asking to be raped” (the logic being if you don’t pay for street lighting you’ll be raped in the dark) and decides during the Queen’s Speech that he can’t stand “that women”, he is of course referring to the “deaf” lady signing in the bottom corner.

In between these acts, Domestic Goddi demonstrated their impressive and versatile comedic skills with sketches that included a hilarious exploration into miner ‘Billy Blackburn’ and his long suffering wife’s deep angst over not being able to pay broadband bills and the added confusion of multiple remote control options.

Domestic Goddi do regular nights at Lowdown at the Albany. Stay tuned for more details.

Guardian columnist and award winning comedienne Shazia Mirza will be headlining the show at the Leicester Square Theatre. Shazia, who was a semi-finalist in NBC’s Last Comic Standing and won Columnist of the Year at the PPA Awards (both in 2008) has courted some controversy throughout her career, sending up stereotypes of Muslim women and tearing at the fringes of a politically correct society, but this has never been at the expense of producing genuinely hilarious material. She performs, as Three Weeks says, “with a distinct comedy voice that should put other comics to shame.” A former school teacher as well, (she used to try out her jokes on the pupils) we look forward to seeing how she keeps the Funny Women audience in line.

Funny Women Winner of 2009, Miss London, will be hosting the evening’s entertainment. Fresh from a whirlwind schedule of Christmas gigs with The Real Deal Comedy Tour, 2010 looks set to be another exciting year for Miss London – it’ll be great to have her taking charge of our floors!

We also have stand-up from Funny Women 2009 finalists Elizabeth Mee and Katarina Vrana, and will be showcasing new talent Sarah Pearce, Ishi Khan Jackson and Anna Grear.

Tickets: £12.50 (£10 concesssions)

www.leicestersqauretheatre.com or call 0844 847 2475

www.funnywomen.com

Forthcoming Second Sunday Showcases: 14th February, 14th March – details to follow, stay tuned!

Funny Women recommends:

Award winning comedy duo Domestic Goddi host an evening of sketch, character and stand- up comedy. Join in the fun for a chance to win a Bionic Woman annual. This month’s all-female line-up includes Pippa Evans, Bridget Christie and Annabel Giles.

Tuesday 19th January at 8pm

Lowdown at The Albany
240 Great Portland Street
W1 5QU
(Great Portland St tube)

tickets £7/6
0207 387 5706

www.unrestrictedview.co.uk

Past entrant Fiona Simpson saw rising star Isy Suttie (nominated for Best Female Newcomer  in 2008 for her role as IT girl Dobby in Peep Show), at The Laughing Cows show in Manchester. Simpson said: “Suttie was the real star. She did a weird and wonderful set that included an impression of Amy Winehouse down a well. Her IKEA song was a particular favourite of mine too.” Simpson also loved Manchester-based comedy group Lady Garden this year, describing their sketches as “fantastic” adding, “the one based on alternative reality shows gave me belly ache from laughing so hard.”

BBC Award Winner, and one half of double act Domestic Goddi, Helen O’Brien says her favourite one-liner of the year came from Laura Solon’s Edinburgh show, Rabbit Faced Story Soup. The 2005 Perrier Comedy Award winner is well known for her multitude of  grotesque characters and proves it with this contentious line: “And when the planes flew into the twin towers…..I forget the date….”

Comedienne Louise Cousin’s favourite performer this year was Julie Jepson, who won the Funny Women Final in 2005 on only her third gig. “I saw her at at the comedy cabaret club Pinky Moo Moo. What I most recall from the evening was that I found it quite difficult to breathe because I was laughing so much. When she came off stage, there was a room full of women with mascara running down their cheeks, it looked like an Alice Cooper convention.”

Musical comedy double act Adam and Reas (Sarah Adams and Leisa Reas), described by reviewers as the “funniest musical duo since French and Saunders”, have received a lot of accolades for their ragga style song about recycling: ‘Put it in me bin’. Cousin says: “I was hyperventilating with laughter.”

Tiny gigs can often be the worse and when I say tiny, I’m not referring to the size of the venue (none of us expect Wembley proportions when we’re starting out) but an embarrassing lack of people. When there are only four people in the room,  two of which are vaguely staring in your direction, the proceedings can feel about as natural as being left in a room  to make small talk with  a set of godparents you’ve not actually seen since birth. Or just like a total arse.  In these situations, it’s always helpful to have a supportive comic by your side who can help you laugh about it. Past Funny Women entrant Carly Smallman found that in comedienne Luisa Omielan – a semi-finalist in this year’s Laughing Horse New Act of the year competition. Smallman says: “She read from the bestselling book, ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’, in a variety of accents as chosen by the (very small) audience.  The best moment was when she was asked to read it as a cat; Luisa rose to the challenge and I was absolutely helpless with laughter. ” She adds: “She is always so engaging, fun, and full of energy - I think she will go far!”

Eve Webster, impressionist and Funny Women finalist (she took second place) has also attracted a lot of attention this year with her brilliant takes on everyone from Cheryl Cole to Anne Widdecombe, and the ovation she received at the Funny Women Final in September was proof of her clear ability to woo audiences. Funny Women Final winner Miss London says her favourite performance was Webster’s  impression of Gwyneth Paltrow, referring to the naming of baby Apple: “It’s not like we called her shithouse.., as though that was the only other option eh Gwyneth?!”

The lady who’s received the most gushing praise this year however, has to be Sarah Millican. The comedienne, who won the If.Comedy award for Best Newcomer at The Edinburgh Festival Fringe in 2008, continues to attract a loyal fan base, a popularity that has been cemented with her Live at the Apollo performance and appearances on Mock the Week.  Her gentle and non-threatening demeanour often belies the shocking content of some of her material – reminds me a little of Frankie Boyle delivering  his caustic lines with all the cheery glee of a Just William character proclaiming his innocence, after getting caught lifting a girl’s skirt up (sorry, had to shoehorn Frankie in somewhere, I love him).

Anyway, enough of Frankie, the girls love Sarah. Past Funny Women entrant Anna Devitt says: “My ultimate line of this year has to be when Sarah Millican performed on Live at the Apollo and was discussing a conversation between her and a friend about their lady parts. They decided to draw them to compare but the punchline was: ‘we could have  just done a potato print and bent down!’”

Helen Arney, Funny Women semi-finalist in 2008 agrees: “She’s just totally brilliant right now. Her Apollo set proved that she stands up there with the big players, male or female.”

We look forward to seeing more of Sarah Millican next year and watching the rise of new and talented female acts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHtU3Dy9aYQ

http://www.funnywomen.com/

Miss London, 20, has been busy filming the sketches with BBC Three but managed to take some time out of a tightly-packed schedule – she has also  been filming for CBBC’s show Big Babies and studying for a media and cultural studies degree – to tell me about the pilot and  how her life has changed since winning the Funny Women award.

Although this was Miss London’s first experience of performing in sketches, (Laughter Shock’s were written by established comic and writer Victor Daniels)  she adapted to it very quickly and professes that she preferred it to  stand-up. “With stand-up it’s just you on your own with your own material so you really feel the pressure. When I work with other people it’s not the be-all and end-all if I mess up, I’m able to bounce off them. ” She adds: “Plus, I had a great script to work off.”

However, filming can have its downside. Whereas with stand-up, a performer can be on and off the stage in a flash, basking in the warmth radiating from the audience (all being well) filming can involve a lot of standing around and waiting, sometimes in the freezing cold. London says: “There was one scene in the park where I had to stand about in a tracksuit for two hours, I needed a lot of hot chocolate to keep me warm.” She also narrowly missed breaking her toes when an exuberant co-star landed on her feet with his knees, but it was all worth it for Miss London who loved meeting and working with comedians from the urban and mainstream.

London has had a meteoric rise on the mainstream circuit but says she still prefers the ‘harder’, more ‘urban’ audiences. “It’s more rewarding because you know that if you make them laugh, you’ve really done well. Very often, urban audiences will sit there with their arms folded with the attitude of ‘you’ve got to make me laugh’.”

Little more than a year ago, Miss London was still working in T.G.I Friday’s and couldn’t have foreseen how much this year would change her life. In the past six months her performances have, as producer of Funny Women Lynne Parker says, “just blown people away”.  Not surprisingly, London’s off-stage demeanour is a touch more reserved than the whirling tornado of energy and hilarity she releases on stage but throughout her whole life, she’s had people tell her how funny she is. She would never have considered trying stand-up but slowly began to wonder about the best way to channel her talent.  As if the universe was pushing her towards making a decision, she started to see signs everywhere she went. “I’d be at the bus stop and would see a Russell Howard poster, every time I switched on the TV there would be an advert for the British Comedy Awards and at the end of a programme a comedian would come on to be interviewed.” London finally took note of the signs and asked her university (Kingston University) if she could do a comedy gig at their talent show, they’d asked her to perform as a dancer and were happy for her to go on twice. It went down a storm and friends of hers, already on the comedy scene,  further encouraged her and ensured she got gigs in Soho venues.

London continued performing, eventually beating off competition from 250 other contestants to win the Funny Women Final 2009, where she unleashed a fantastic and engaging five minutes of confidently delivered gags, anecdotes and a hilarious range of facial expressions, all conveyed with a genuine love of what she was doing and a desire to show the audience a good time. London was genuinely gobsmacked to win but reveals the first song to come on her iPod shuffle before she left the house that night, was ‘Winner.’ Yet another sign she was going in the right direction.

London would advise anyone thinking of going into stand-up to “believe in yourself.” This is certainly a dictum she took on board when she wrote on her Facebook page: “I’m going to be a successful stand-up comedienne”, ignoring some of the more derisive comments that this prompted from friends. She says: “You have to trust yourself and take your own advice sometimes.”

Trusting herself has certainly worked for Miss London. People now tell her she’s a role model and she’s getting paid to do something she truly loves. As she says, she could never go back to doing a day job in Topshop or T.G.I Friday’s. About to embark on the Real Deal Comedy Tour around the UK during Christmas, it doesn’t look as though London will be getting much of a break this holiday and 2010 looks set to be just as busy with Radio 1Xtra showing interest in the new comedienne.

London is also being represented by Vivienne Clore at Richard Stone Partnership. Clore said: “I’m thrilled to be working with Miss London as I think she has enormous potential and is a lovely (and modest)  person to boot.”

The majority of my gigs so far, have constituted little more than open-mic nights in dusty back-room pubs, sandwiched in between poetry a GCSE student would scoff at (one referring to a romantic liaison with an angel stands out) and a tuba quintet, which was brilliant actually. Not that I’m diminishing the importance of any of these gigs – even those with audiences consisting of unsupportive, bored-looking comics just wanting to perform, and punters who may as well be awaiting torture at Guantanamo Bay, for all the joy they exude.

That was hardly the atmosphere at the showcase though, with the presence and warm wit of Suzy Bennett, Winner of Funny Women 2006, taking charge of the proceedings. While we all sat waiting in the green room, myself manically running through lines (never a good idea but I’m yet to quash this unhelpful default setting) we were relieved to hear buoyant and hearty laughter spilling forth, perhaps not so relieved that the pressure was now on to keep this going.
Every gig is completely different and this is both one of the joys and peculiarities of performing, you can never be quite sure how you’ll feel once you’re on stage, such are the different emotions that can occur, especially when you catch sight of the motionless women in the front with an eyebrow raised about four inches, and discover that try as you might to ignore it, you become fixated by it for the next five minutes.   Someone once told me never to run up to the microphone (certainly wouldn’t try it as I know my propensity for head-butting things) but to calmly, almost nonchalantly take to the mic-stand. I always have what feels like an infuriatingly long moment of staring at the lead raveled around the stand, panicking that this time, the task of unraveling it could develop into a challenge of Krypton Factor proportions, while the bemused audience witnesses my despair. Not this time though, and I managed to get out an opening quip, without bringing over the mic-stand.

What made this gig particularly different was, owing to the dim lighting of the auditorium, I could only see about two rows back while the rest of the audience was shrouded in darkness. This was welcome from the point of view I was less likely to succumb to eyebrow distraction, but more disconcerting in that barely anyone was laughing in the front row (apart from one lovely guy who I couldn’t help but realise had a hearing aid though..) and I found my body language shifting further forward. Again, always a mistake as you give off the vibe that you’re almost urging the audience to punctuate your ‘jokes’ with a laugh.

Fortunately however, I could hear laughter (although who knows, perhaps it was prerecorded and canned to help me feel better). Yes, somewhere out there in the abyss, people were enjoying themselves. In the meantime, my ego was deflating with all the speed of a whoopee cushion.

Am extremely relieved I didn’t catch sight of one woman though, that I sat near in the second-half after performing. She tutted and grimaced her way throughout the rest of the acts, to such a distracting extent, I began to develop quite a strong urge to actually head-butt something properly that evening.

Half way through my set I also noticed there was a video camera to the side of the stage, looming at me like a trifid.

“Aaagh! I’m being filmed!” went my suddenly self-conscious brain. I don’t know if an expression of fear transpired across my face (and god knows, not sure I’ll watch the footage to find out!) but I realised I’d left out quite a bit of material and stumbled a bit on some new work, regarding the ridiculousness of dog owners who call their 20-foot high rottweilers, ‘Baby’.

However, as I’ve said, every gig is different and ultimately, another learning experience, as well as a great opportunity to meet other performers, particularly those who are part of the comedy institution that Funny Women has become.

Next Funny Women Showcase: December 13th

The Basement Studio, Leicester Square Theatre, 6 Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX

Doors 7.30 p.m. for show 8.00 p.m. (ends approx. 10.00 p.m.)

http://www.leicestersquaretheatre.com/

This one-off, live event, taking place at Brixton Academy, is in aid of CARE International, a leading humanitarian charity that fights global poverty. Arnold, who is an ambassador for the organisation, said:  “I have wanted to do this concert from the day I met a 20 year old woman in Rwanda who was orphaned at 14, is HIV positive and has to look after her two younger brothers. Without CARE’s support she would be unable to keep them in school, feed them or keep a roof over their heads.” He added: “I have asked my colleagues from the music and comedy world to get together to help raise money and awareness of the amazing work CARE does all over the world.”

Arnold has collaborated with a diverse mix of musical acts  in the past from Bjork,  Pulp, Mel C and Massive Attack, and has written the film scores for four Bond films and Independence Day. This promises to be a unique opportunity to see some of the most exciting acts in comedy and music today, as well as a chance to see David step in and perform with some of them.

Concert for CARE, Brixton Academy, Monday November 2nd.

Ticketweb – 0844 477 2000, Stargreen – 0207 734 8932, Ticketmaster – 0844 844 0444, See – 0871 2200 260
www.gigsandtours.com / www.ticketweb.co.uk

There was nothing ordinary or commonplace about this relationship however. The affair sparked a prolific period of creativity for the poet, during which Keats wrote some of his most inspired and celebrated works, including the sonnet ‘Bright Star,’ before his untimely death at the age of 25.

Opposites often attract. His first impressions were that she was something of a vacuous fashion student, a “minx.” She comments that poetry is “something of a strain to work out.” Despite these differences, Brawne (Abbie Cornish) finds him beguiling enough to persevere with puzzling over rhyming couplets, while Keats (Ben Whishaw) gradually begins to perceive that there is wit, strength and a tender heart beneath the external frill and fluff of her self-styled bodice creations.

There are genuine obstacles in the pair’s path, hindering the chance of their love developing organically. Charles Brown (Paul Schneider), Keats’ best friend, jealously attempts to destroy the relationship through control and manipulation, while Brawne’s mother (Kerry Fox) rubbishes her feelings and acts as a symbolic reminder of societal pressures and expectations, telling her that Keats knows he cannot love her “for he has no living and no income.”

These obstacles become irrelevant of course, not least to the audience who become fully embroiled in the burgeoning love affair between the two. What could teeter over into a trite and tedious experience, watching a doomed and naïve couple gaze longingly at each other, is saved by the actors’ brilliant portrayal of the madness of first love. This we experience predominantly through the eyes of Fanny – Cornish excellently shows the extent to which our emotions are at the mercy of our beloved – oscillating between joy and anguish, hate and love, entrapping butterflies in her room as though it were a perfectly rational pastime, much to the irritation of her mother. Love not only makes us bonkers, it dissolves our sense of time, sensually reflected in beautiful, long and meditative scenes of billowing curtains and metre-high grass.

Time never stands still though and the seasons, which also play a sumptuous role in the film, continually change. In the famous poem, Keats wrote “Bright Star! Would I were steadfast as thou art”, expressing his desire to be “unchangeable”, to live forever in the moment and the madness, beside his love – “Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath, And so live ever, or else swoon to death.”  Inevitably, it is death, which becomes the lovers’ insurmountable obstacle.

Neither is itching to be the funnier, they just feed off each other’s desire to continue the cycle of silliness between the two. You never know quite where Vic and Bob are going to end up but you know it’ll be somewhere funny, and this is what stops it from dissolving into watching two schoolboys fart around in a science lab, they are always hilarious and genuinely surreal – they’re not ‘trying’ to be, there’s no agenda of smug, self-congratulatory out-witting, they just give into the moment. They’re not the best example because, as the pair have known and worked with each other for so long, they’ve practically created their own complicit eco-system of daftness, but they’re a most welcome contrast to much of the more ‘controlled’ comedy we witness now.  This is perhaps a long-winded way of saying that it’s been incredibly refreshing to have these guys back on our screens.

However, although there may be a severe lack of funny people just genuinely arsing about on telly at the minute, a new night has appeared on the comedy circuit in London, which could well redress the current lack of fun and unpredictable comedy available. Vic and Bob should perhaps pop down to comedian Bob Slayer’s new comedy night at Doggett’s, Southbank, a night which feels a million miles away from ’serious.’ Or a PG certificate for that matter..

Slayer, who  has been described as “marching all over the line that should not be crossed like a drunken Henry Rollins with tourettes”, wanted to bring comedy to the Southbank after establishing a regular following at the Dirty Dicks venue in Liverpool St. For the launch night, he put together a sterling line-up of surreality, silliness and alternative comics– co-founder of Viz comic magazine Simon Donald doing his character act Barry Twyford; Dr Brown and Andrew Lawrence, all nicely sandwiched between Slayer’s endearingly provocative style.

Slayer was particularly excited to have his hero, Simon Donald, on stage performing: “I think everyone knows Viz magazine or can tell you about their experience of discovering it as a child. I was a teenager and someone handed me a black and white fanzine type comic with a man with testicles so huge he carried them around in a wheelbarrow. I was hooked immediately.” Slayer praised the ‘pure, unadulterated bollocks’ Viz provided, no doubt influencing his own brand of anarchic silliness. His compere technique does not shy away from the audience. Ok, so bashfulness is not a trait you’re likely to find in many comperes but Slayer is not afraid to slay anyone, and will happily get in many a face– particularly if you happen to be in the front row looking indifferent. He reminded me slightly of Michael Douglas in Falling Down, crossed with Father Christmas (triggered by the red shirt perhaps!) who’s finally cracked under the pressure and boredom of delivering all those toys to children.

Simon Donald has inspired many, including Vic and Bob. As well as creating the legendary comic Viz, which embedded a host of characters such as Sid the Sexist, The Fat Slags and Roger Mellie (”The Man on the Telly”) into the nation’s psyche, Donald has acted in theatre and TV since the ’70s. It’s not until quite recently however, that he’s ventured into performing stand-up as his brilliant character, Barry Twyford, a market researcher from Newcastle-upon-Tyne. Dressed in the obligatory, un-stylish luminous jacket and cap, and carrying a clipboard, Donald didn’t produce laughs the second he stepped out, he kept the audience waiting at least ten minutes to drop his first bombshell, and there was slight, awkward tension in the air to begin with. It was worth the wait however, and quite refreshing to see a comedian toying with the audience’s expectations in such a way. He proceeded with his ‘market research’, questioning different members of the audience in a calm and charming Geordie lilt (not that dissimilar to that Cheryl off The X Factor) in a tone that hilariously contradicted  a lot of the filth and cheek flowing forth – “are yer for real with them fucking trainers?” and “did you get fingered in the No 64 bus stop?” with answers ranging from one to five – five equal to: “I didn’t even know where the 64 bus stops, I get done at the No 10 stop.”

It’s easy to see why Dr Brown’s become a firm favourite on the ‘alternative’ circuit. Charmingly childlike and silly he manages to dissolve the audience into giggles with his hilarious expressions alone. Without the hint of self-consciousness he announces “ooh, a day at the beach”, then proceeds to undress and declares in a coquettish and rather camp manner “I’d better protect my skin”,  cue his mate in the audience to rub suntan lotion all over his back. It has to be seen to be appreciated.

Headline act Andrew Lawrence, who has attracted something of a cult following, slew the room with a tornado-style ream of gags and punchlines that would feel rather rudely incessant if the delivery and content weren’t so funny. One particular diatribe, aimed at a policeman who pulled him over for having a dirty windscreen, had the audience in stitches but the line that’s refused to leave my head takes self-deprecating ginger jokes to the limit – “upon entering a room I hear a loud clap. The sound of 80 vaginas slapping shut.” Hmm, lovely. Funny though.

So, if you do like your comedy unpredictable, unselfconsciously surreal and of the ‘testicles in a wheelbarrow’ variety, then definitely dive into this night’s next offerings, featuring Martin Davis and Paul Foot. Be prepared not to take any of it too seriously though.

Comedy at Doggett’s

1 Blackfriars Bridge, Southbank, London SE1 9UD
£5 advance / Concessions
£7 on the door

Wed 11th Nov
Martin Davis – “a hilarious parrot-faced twat!” Viz
Nik Coppin – “A rapid, non-stop act full of energy”
+ Dr Brown + Bob Slayer (MC)

Tue 15th Dec
Paul Foot – “surreal and flamboyant one-off whose inspired rantings turn the mundane into the magical”
Terry Saunders – “effortlessly funny… a gentle genius” Metro
+ Dr Brown + Bob Slayer (MC)

http://www.bobslayer.com/comedy/